


"Dogs are stupid" - Soi Fon (with her fingers crossed behind her back)

by shamelessllamapeanutthing



Series: QuaranQueens [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:02:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26728636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessllamapeanutthing/pseuds/shamelessllamapeanutthing
Summary: In which Yoruichi brings home a friend Soi For doesn't approve of.
Relationships: Shihouin Yoruichi/Sui-Feng | Soifon
Series: QuaranQueens [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868071
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	"Dogs are stupid" - Soi Fon (with her fingers crossed behind her back)

**Author's Note:**

> [Goldensprite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldensprite/pseuds/goldensprite) is the fucking best. I might give them a kidney if they asked. 
> 
> ALSO this fic has !!!!!!!ART!!!!!!! [HERE](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/recurring-polynya) drawn by the amazing [Polynya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polynya)

Yoruichi cocked her head, ears perking in response to the low, needy whine coming from the abandoned storage shed two blocks down from their apartment. She tightened her grip on her umbrella and, a slave to her curious disposition, went to investigate. 

Looking back, if she had minded her business and stuck to her route back home from her monthly trip to the store for supplies, she’d have spared herself a whole lot of stress, but right then, faced with those huge brown eyes, she told herself it’d be worth it. 

…

When Soi Fon opened the door some thirty minutes later, the worst news she was expecting was that the local convenience store was out of instant ramen, as it often was. What stood on her threshold, though, next to her suspiciously sheepish-looking girlfriend, was a way bigger problem in her very humble but very correct opinion. 

… and it had fur… and a ridiculously loud bark. 

“That’s a dog,” she intoned, unsure what to make of the scene. It was only on instinct that she remembered to keep a hand jammed against the annoyingly creaky door, lest it fall shut right in her girlfriend’s face, and the huge dog beside her. 

“Is that so? I was a bit confused.” Yoruichi’s gaze was teasing but her mouth trembled like she was scared to upset Soi Fon any more.

_As she damn well should’ve been._

“You have fifteen seconds to explain.” 

The explanation had not satisfied Soi Fon in the least and she was currently engaged in the most unsatisfying stare down in the history of stare downs, given her nemesis kept wagging his tail like being towelled dry by Yoruichi after a quick shower was the best thing to have happened to him, ever. 

“Come on, I couldn’t leave him there in the rain. He was in a box and everything. Somebody had definitely abandoned the poor kid,” Yoruichi said, nails working behind the dog’s ears. He gave a low bark, and leaned further against her, but kept his eyes fixed on Soi Fon, still. 

It was a direct challenge, and she was never one to back down. 

“Look at him. He’s such a well-behaved darling, too.” 

Soi Fon rolled her eyes. She supposed it was true; as far as canines went, this one was incredibly easy to manage. Once he had been fed some biscuits, he gladly followed Yoruichi to their bathroom and splashed around happily in the bath-tub, tongue lolling out in clear glee. 

… but then he got out and shook the water off of its fur and drenched Yoruichi but she only _laughed._ Soi Fon was scandalised. 

It didn’t help that Yoruichi’s laughter got damn near uncontrollable when she caught sight of Soi Fon’s face. The shorter woman’s face burned pink but all she could do was stand there and glare at the two. 

“Lover, you already know we aren’t gonna turn him out.” 

Soi Fon sighed and leaned back against the door frame. This was true as well; she might not have been the sort of person to rescue strays from streets but she also wasn’t the sort of person who could abandon someone in need of her help. Now that the beast was inside, he wasn’t leaving. 

“Fine. You take care of him, though; he’s completely your responsibility, from vaccines to walks. All of it.” 

Yoruichi’s face split into a grin so beautiful Soi Fon almost forgot her dislike for dogs for a second. 

Moments later, a tall bundle of tan limbs was wrapped around her body, squeezing her so tight she nearly fainted as Yoruichi peppered thankful kisses all over her face. Soi Fon melted and almost hugged Yoruichi back when the dog gave a little bark and bolted across the bathroom to join the two girls in their affectionate celebration.

… by licking Soi Fon’s hand. 

She screamed. 

…

“It’s a border collie. The box I found him in had a note that said he is 4 and fully vaccinated. His name is Dart. Probably a runner, this one.” 

No response came from the kitchen and Yoruichi heaved a mighty sigh, curling her fingers in Dart’s fur and pinning him with a doleful gaze. He nuzzled her knee, and she reminded herself that Soi Fon was going to come around. There was no way in hell anyone could look into this gorgeous dog’s innocent brown eyes and not immediately fall in love. 

However, the dog might have been allowed a place in the house, but Yoruichi was nowhere near out of the doghouse yet. All day Soi Fon had been pattering about the house, slamming doors and banging things and ignoring everything Yoruichi said. To an extent, Yoruichi understood; a pet was a huge decision and Soi Fon really didn’t like dogs. It had been disrespectful of her to bring a dog into a house that she shared with her girlfriend _knowing_ her girlfriend disliked dogs, but there was no way she could have left the dog alone, wet and shivering inside that tiny box, eyes so sad and voice a distressed high-pitched whine. She was convinced if Soi Fon had chanced upon the dog, she wouldn’t have had the heart to leave him out either. 

“What do you do when you fight with your gorgeous lover and they stop paying you attention? Do you feel like you’re going to shrivel up and die as well, or am I being dramatic?” 

Dart’s brilliant response was confused silence and a consolatory pat to Yoruichi’s thigh with his right paw.

It didn’t matter what the circumstances were. She knew she had to make it up to Soi Fon. 

She craned her neck to catch a glimpse of Soi Fon’s back as the younger girl poured chocolate syrup over her bananas _and didn’t grab a bowl for Yoruichi as well,_ before turning back to the furball in her arms. 

“See here, Dart: I help you, you help me. That’s our thing, okay? You’re gonna help me win over your future mama number two by _not irritating her at all_. Don’t ever go near her; you just stay with me, boy. I know it’ll be difficult. She’s such a cutie, who would willingly stay away? But you gotta, okay? You might have found a home but I’ll be out of one if you piss her off.” 

Dart barked in happy agreement.

…

Back in the bedroom after they’d had dinner and Soi Fon had glared at Yoruichi till she took Dart for a walk in their yard _(and then returned to a hurried argument revolving around Yoruichi wanting to set up a futon and blankets for Dart in the living room to which Soi Fon responded by pressing her hands into her hips and bellowing, “He’s a DOG! With fur!”)_ , Yoruichi gave her girlfriend an apologetic peck on her cheekbone. 

“I am sorry, lover. I realise now I should’ve called and asked you beforehand. Forgive me?” 

Soi Fon hadn’t pushed Yoruichi away, and she took that as encouragement, looping an arm around Soi Fon’s slim waist and drawing her across the bed into her side. Soi Fon lifted a hand to stroke Yoruichi’s thigh. 

Finally, she said, “I know I’ve been sort of anal about this… I just wasn’t expecting you to go out for groceries and come back with a… _dog.”_

Yoruichi cringed. 

“But this kindness of yours was one of the first things to attract me to you. It’d be stupid to start begrudging you the same now.” 

Somewhat relieved, but still unsure how much ground had been ceded, Yoruichi pressed a kiss to Soi Fon’s mouth that was devoid of all force.. It was gentle, hesitant, like the very first kiss they’d shared, hidden inside a random frat boy’s wardrobe with police sirens raging outside the house. Yoruichi had gasped in surprise, just like Soi Fon did now, before melting into the younger girl’s embrace and threading her fingers into the soft black hair. 

As she felt Soi Fon’s own hand stroke the back of her neck, Yoruichi smiled. Neither of them needed to say it; they knew they were both lost in memories of that crazy but miraculous evening. Their fingers laced together, mouths unhurried upon each other’s lips, sucking gently before parting with slow, wet sounds that always managed to pull muffled giggles from Soi Fon.

Yoruichi had _just_ regained the guts to slip her fingers under the waistband of Soi Fon’s shorts when a squirming, panting mass of fur jumped atop their tangled legs. 

Soi Fon screamed, _again._

…

Sex went off the table quicker than it had that night Yoruichi and Urahara stumbled home drunk out of their minds and launched perfectly co-ordinated twin missiles of vomit straight onto Soi Fon’s brand new couch. Especially since Yoruichi had been the one who had insisted on leaving the door of their bedroom open. 

_“Okay, I see your claim that he’s survived on the streets, and I raise you, that he isn’t on the streets anymore and should have people there to comfort him if he gets scared in this new apartment with these new people.”_

Yoruichi stared at Soi Fon, back grumpily turned to Yoruichi’s face, and sighed. 

“I can take him to the shelter when I go on a grocery run, like, in two weeks.” 

Soi Fon didn’t say anything, but she didn’t shrug Yoruichi off when she crawled over to spoon her girlfriend and kiss her shoulder while mumbling a quiet good night.

…

For nearly three days, Soi Fon had no direct interaction with Dart, who followed Yoruichi around like, well, _literally_ a lost puppy: tail wagging, tongue out and eyes big and brown as ever. Yoruichi did a good job of looking after Dart, and an even better job of keeping him away from Soi Fon, and she had to admit, Dart was ridiculously well-behaved. It helped that he was a grown dog, already potty-trained. He didn’t bark too much, he didn’t bite into curtains and couches and every odd thing in reach like Soi Fon had feared, and as they had found out with some basic research, even the shedding was mainly seasonal. 

Overall, Soi Fon could easily train herself into thinking he just didn’t exist. 

Except for now. 

Dart cocked his head from where he sat in front of Soi Fon, who was perched on a stool beside the kitchen counter, palms cupped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. The dog had sought her out within minutes of Yoruichi leaving, and despite Soi Fon’s initial glaring, he had settled down in the middle of the kitchen and just not left since. 

Soi Fon’s periods had always been erratic and so she always made sure to keep a good supply of pads around, but with the chaos of quarantining and the panic that had quickly spread, they had somehow managed to neglect buying pads and the tampons that Yoruichi preferred for some reason. When Soi Fon woke up with soiled underwear, Yoruichi ran her a warm bath, threw her clothes in the washer and told her to use some tissues while she ran out for pads after setting out a mug of hot chocolate. 

Soi Fon sipped her hot chocolate and stared at Dart as she waited. The dog was smart; he hadn’t tried to lick or cuddle with Soi Fon after the first two times, when she had freaked out. He kept his distance, yet he stayed. 

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. With those eyes of yours, literal puppy dog eyes.”

Dart perked up at being addressed. His tail thumped against the floor and Soi Fon felt a vaguely warm sensation in her gut.

“You’re not going to win me over, Dart. You’re not going to convert me into the braindead canine worshipper my girlfriend always secretly was, apparently.” 

Dart shot to his feet, tail wagging furiously now, probably excited to be directly addressed by her for the first time. His tongue lolled out and Soi Fon gulped, tearing her gaze away from his. 

After two seconds of keeping her gaze averted, she crumbled, and with a defeated sigh reached over to grab a dog biscuit from the jar Yoruichi kept, tightly shut, on their counter. 

Come to think of it, he had never tried to topple the jar or even get on to the counter, but then she supposed he didn’t have to. Yoruichi spoiled him, anyway. 

Dart gave a happy little bark the moment Soi Fon opened her palm with a biscuit in the middle of it but made no other move. Surprised, and begrudgingly impressed, Soi Fon leaned forward and whistled softly in the canine equivalent of _pspsps._

Dart bounded to her, gobbling the biscuit right off of her palm before she had the time to place it on the floor. His tail wagged like crazy and Soi Fon felt something break inside of her chest. Face warming, she averted her eyes yet again. 

“Whatever. I hope you know even the worst of cats out there are a thousand times better than every one of you beasts.” 

For a second, she thought she didn’t mean it, but that one second still proved to be a bit too long for her to be able to accept, and she hastily shoved the thought away. She did _not_ like dogs and that was that. 

With a rumble in his throat, Dart slid his head on to Soi Fon’s thigh. She couldn’t help herself from patting his head then, twice and incredibly awkwardly, only to swear to herself that she was never going to acknowledge what had just happened in front of anyone, ever. 

Least of all, fucking Yoruichi. 

…

A week from the day Yoruichi had brought Dart in, and he and Soi Fon had seemed to call some sort of truce, to the point that he was now allowed to sit on the foot of their couch, even with Soi Fon present on it, which was a huge improvement from the two-feet-away directive of a week earlier. 

Presently, Yoruichi was draped on the couch on her front, dozing in and out of sleep with Soi Fon curled on top of her legs, head resting snugly on Yoruichi’s butt, tinkering with her phone. She felt nearly boneless, head swimming in blissful thoughtlessness. It was her favourite type of afternoon, peaceful, quiet…

Or it had been till Soi Fon lifted her head from Yoruichi’s butt. The older woman nearly whined in protest before she realised her girlfriend was talking to someone. 

“This is as far as you get.” 

The words, coupled with the warning in Soi Fon’s tone had Yoruichi alert within moments. When she cocked her head and gazed back at her girlfriend, she was torn between amusement and confusion to see Soi Fon pointing at where Dart was curled on the end of the couch. 

“I have given you space on the couch, but you better not let that get to your head.” 

Yoruichi had to bite back a snort. 

“This,” Soi Fon poked Yoruichi’s butt, “is my spot.” 

…

Humans are creatures of habit, she reasoned, and when that habit was particularly comforting it’s all the more difficult to shrug it off, she explained to herself further as she quietly left the door to their bedroom open that night, hoping Yoruichi wouldn’t notice. 

It wasn’t that she _liked dogs,_ because she didn’t. It was just that Dart was a particularly friendly and well-behaved one and she had gotten used to his comforting warmth against her feet when all three of them sat together on the couch. They weren’t _planning_ on having sex tonight, so it wouldn’t exactly _hurt_ to have the breathing space-heater on the bed with them and she wouldn’t be _surprised_ this time because she’d been expecting him, because, come on now, that was _obviously_ the only reason why she’d screamed that day. 

_Obviously._

_…_

Yoruichi had gotten too involved in the episode, but this anime she’d started watching was hilarious. Honestly, what ice skating world legend dropped his entire skating career to go coach this other ice skater, but straight up introduced himself butt naked with his dick hanging out?

_Anyways_ , the _point_ was that Dart, the _dog,_ wasn’t in the room with her anymore. 

She knew Soi Fon had been getting better and better with Dart but Yoruichi suspected that had something to do with the fact that there were only two days left until Dart would be sent away and Soi Fon was just glad they were going to get rid of him. Yoruichi herself was heartbroken but it was her own fault for bringing in a pet without consulting her partner in their shared home. She wasn’t going to disrespect Soi Fon by fighting against her over this. 

In the long term, she told herself, Dart deserved a home filled with people who’d love and adore him. While Yoruichi herself showered the pup with all the affection in the world, Soi Fon was standoffish, still. She’d tolerate his presence — she didn’t even complain when he snuck into their bed that one night — but she wasn’t really affectionate towards him, and that wasn’t right on him. 

Yoruichi had made her peace with the fact that he was going to go. She really had. It had been fun while it lasted, and she would never forget Dart. She had taken tons of pictures and videos, and the shelter she was planning to give up Dart to posted about every animal being adopted and tagged the family, so Yoruichi could just go to the shelter to meet him and then find out what area his new owners lived in so she could haunt the local dog parks in hopes of seeing him again. Once this Corona madness ended, of course. 

If that was sort of creepy… well, she was determined to leave no witnesses to her own desperation. 

She shook her head vigorously, breaking herself away from said thought process, because Dart wasn’t in here, which meant he probably went to Soi Fon, and yes, she might have been doing better with Dart but that was while Yoruichi was right there. The two were literally never left alone and Yoruichi really was in no mood for the truce to be split into two right then when there were barely days left until Dart’s departure.

She just wanted to watch yet another rerun of LOTR while cuddling her little family, because in her mind the Collie was family even if he wasn’t going to stay forever. 

So, she tiptoed out of her office, careful so as to not alert Soi Fon to her supposed new companion if by some miracle she hadn’t yet noticed. The door to their bedroom was shut, which won’t have happened if Soi Fon was inside, and the living room and kitchenette were empty as well. She peeked into the drawing room, and the bathroom, confused as to where the fuck her girlfriend had run off to with her dog, before she recalled they had a backyard as well. 

Unsure of what she was going to find, she doubled back down the hallway and went to the back porch instead. The only reason she didn’t double over and collapse right then and there at the sight was because of the pole that she instinctively grasped, free hand rising to muffle the soft gasp of surprise she let out. 

There was Soi Fon, sprawled on her favourite blanket with a copy of Brisingr clutched in hand, eyes as wide in fascination as if she was reading the book for the first time. Yoruichi felt a smile spread across her face, because this rare lowering of Soi Fon’s ever present guard, and a glimpse at the expressive, excitable girl hiding behind them, was something Yoruichi had learned to treasure. 

What shocked her, however, was Soi Fon’s other hand, curling carelessly in Dart’s fur as the dog lay on his back beside her, paws up and chasing wild little birds that only he seemed to be able to see. 

With a grin so huge she honestly felt it was obscene, she quickly fished out her phone and took a picture, before tiptoeing right back inside. When Soi Fon finally came in, Yoruichi didn’t mention the precious, precious sight she had stumbled upon. 

…

Two days later, and it was the designated day for supplies shopping. The plan though, had changed, because the _other_ plan didn’t seem to be happening anymore. 

Soi Fon came to see Yoruichi off, kissing her at the door like she was wont to, and Dart barked from beside her, tail curling around in lazy, contented wags. Yoruichi smiled and ran a hand through his fur and nobody said a word about the shelter, ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, check out the fanart I requested for this fic, [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/recurring-polynya)  
> Send lots of love to the artist, for she's magical. 
> 
> Leave me a comment!
> 
> Come scream at me about Bleach on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/shamelessllamapeanutthing)


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